gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
