Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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