8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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