Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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