The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
bring money and cleavage
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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