I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
