Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
