Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
