You're completely useless in the revolution.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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