are you still at the devil's house?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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