why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
