im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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