Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
