My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
