I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i believe in u and ur pee
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