I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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