I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
