Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
