I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
