You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
