My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
