I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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