that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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