How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
