Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
