i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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