11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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