Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
