No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
