the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
