OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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