I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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