I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
