After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
