You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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