barbara walters just said penis...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
