felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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