No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
