very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
