dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
