you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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