What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Found your dick twin last night
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize