I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
