did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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