I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Randomize
