He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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