It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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