He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
