We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
