you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
