I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
