Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize