Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
