I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
