you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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