Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste

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(203): View more from Connecticut

There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...

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(310): View more from California

He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna

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(623): View more from Arizona

I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.

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(206): View more from Washington

I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Just got my second shot

(1-404): View more from Georgia

Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days

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