Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
