Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
