I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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