Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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