You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
this is an emotional support booty call
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
