You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
