11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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