i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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